Your Trauma Built Your Success: Naila Ahmed, Therapist for High Performers

Naila Ahmed is back on the podcast, this time recording from New York, ten months into a nomadic life with no return date and no plan. She's a trauma therapist who works primarily with high performers, and she's watching the same pattern show up again and again: successful men and women who unconsciously built their empire on top of not-enoughness, and now can't work out how to slow down without the whole thing feeling like it'll collapse.

We get into why trauma is a double-edged sword; the exact wiring that makes someone brilliant at their craft is often the same wiring keeping them awake at 3 am with cortisol through the roof. Naila shares the story of a client running five hotels who "doesn't have time" but is looking to acquire two more, and another who can't sleep because the control that built his business is now running him.

We also cover:

🔸What ten months of no routine, no home, and no certainty has actually taught her about identity and nervous system safety.

🔸 The difference between chasing success from lack vs. creating from an aligned state of being.

🔸 Why "optimising" has quietly become another form of self-abandonment.

🔸 How to celebrate wins without needing them to be big.

🔸 The overwhelm protocol: lie down, drink water, breathe, sometimes cry.

🔸 Why boredom is a non-negotiable, and the 10-minute rule she gives every client.

🔸 The pattern behind her dad (PhD, professor, emotionally numb) and ex-stepdad (award-winning cardiologist, alcoholic, abusive) and why it's the "why" behind her work.

If you've built something real but you're wondering what it's costing you underneath, this one's for you.

💬 Connect with Naila: https://www.instagram.com/coach.naila/ 

 Want the quick takeaways? Read the blog post for a full breakdown of the episode. https://www.trueformpodcast.com/blog 

🎧 Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcasts.  

Watch me on YouTube

https://youtu.be/7NO0rN5B0-4 

Transcript

Naila Ahmed 0:00

It's like your trauma can be a double-edged sword. It can be your greatest downfall. And it can also be the reason that you're so good at what you do. But it's also the reason why he literally can't sleep at night and he's like cortisol through the roof.

Jack Graham 0:13

Like you optimize, get a little bit more time and then fill it with more junk. And then you optimize that and then you get a little bit more time and you fill it with like it's just like I drink water and I lie down and I breathe.

Naila Ahmed 0:23

And sometimes I cry and I'm like, this is a lot. And I'm like, what am I doing? And then the feeling goes away. Let's just say I'm finding my true form even deeper, not attaching to a thing externally, like the zero certainty. And that sense of where am I gonna go? What does it look like? Been terrifying.

Jack Graham 0:45

What is up, everybody? Welcome back to the true form podcast. If you are enjoying this content, the conversations that I am bringing to you, then I would appreciate it if you could do one thing: interact with this episode. Wherever you are listening or watching, like, five-star review, positive comment, subscribe. However, you can interact. Even if you just copy the show link and send it to one friend or family member that you think would benefit from this conversation today, then do that. It really does help this podcast reach more people, which helps them find their true form and live a life that is true to them. And that's what it's all about. Also, just want to thank the legends at Lumiflex for sponsoring today's episode. I'll tell you how this little red light therapy device can improve your overall health, wellness, longevity, and recovery later on in the episode. So let's get into today's conversation. I know you're gonna love it. Nyla, what is up? Welcome back to the podcast.

Naila Ahmed 1:45

Thank you so much, Shuck. How are you?

Jack Graham 1:47

Going good. Going good. Good to have a little bit of a break from the podcast. I was still releasing some content, but yeah, stepped away for about two or three weeks, then finally recorded the 300th episode. Stoked to get to 300. It's crazy that made it to 300 episodes. Um first episode dropped back in 2021. And then yeah, now I it's just a wild journey. I in a good way. I would never thought that I'd get to meet people like you and all the guests that would get on. It's absolutely amazing. I love doing this. So I'm excited for the next 300 and the lessons and the people I get to meet. What are you up to? Where are you at?

Naila Ahmed 2:31

Incredible. Um before I answer that, I just want to ask you when you say you maybe like didn't imagine or you can't believe like you got to 300 episodes, what is it that do you think has allowed you to sustain it and to do it and to feel inspired by it?

Jack Graham 2:51

This. I love conversations. I love connecting with people. I think it's just underrated sitting here listening to somebody's stories, their lessons. I don't think we do it enough these days. And I just love hearing what people have to say, like their journeys, the life they they've lived, whatever they got to tell. I think there's lessons in every everybody's life. And just sitting down and taking the time to listen to somebody, yeah, I think it's just it's very inspiring for me. I love it. And it's cool to just see people doing amazing things. So I just look forward to the next person I'm gonna meet. And like I said, it's just like guest after guest. Everybody's on the same page, but it's just amazing how one guest can lead into the n to another. So when I've sometimes it's just weird energy. Like I'll have a certain topic that I'm diving into, and then these guests just come out of nowhere at that are experts in that field, and I'm like, how the hell did they know that I was like I was looking for?

Naila Ahmed 3:52

You're vibing higher, you're putting out the right energy, and yeah, that's also how you and I. So yeah.

Jack Graham 3:58

Yeah, 100%. I I was just sitting there one day and I wanted to sort of dive into the nervous system and people's lives and how to improve it. And yeah, you just popped on it up on a mate's story, and I was like, Oh shit, okay. Come on the pod.

Naila Ahmed 4:11

Let's go. We're just going. It's amazing.

Jack Graham 4:14

Yeah.

Naila Ahmed 4:15

Good on you. Yeah.

Jack Graham 4:17

So where are you?

Naila Ahmed 4:18

So I'm in New York. I am in New York. I was in LA for a month. Before that, I was in Georgia, in different parts of Turkey. Um, as you know, podcasters come to different countries. So yeah, I'm just on this journey for the last 10 months, and there is no plans to return. Um, I don't know. I don't know where I'll be next month. So it's quite the journey. So Yeah.

Jack Graham 4:46

You're saying that you're reflecting back on that, and there's a lot of lessons that you've learned, and I could imagine what it's been like. I and not as humans, we get so caught up in routine and our own little bubble. That's been a big thing at for me at the moment, like just getting caught up in my own little bubble and just not expanding on that. Like you think sometimes that you are, and it's like I'm interviewing all these different people, but at the end of the day, I'm just here and I keep surrounding myself with the same people and not I don't know, experiencing new things and going to different countries. So yeah. How a couple of questions, I guess I'm trying to get there. Like, how do you look into the future? Like, how do you feel about not having that one place where you're at into the future? And then like how does that feel?

Naila Ahmed 5:36

Well, it's so funny because when you describe this bubble, that's the one thing I'm craving right now. Yeah. Just like, and you know what? It just it is what it is. Like, it was always a goal of mine to build my business up to a point where I can have location freedom and literally work from anywhere and travel. And it's incredible, right? And it's just such a lesson of like the grass is green where you water it, and you're always gonna want what you don't have. So, like, I have this now, right? I have all the freedom in the world. I'm very, very grateful. I have a passport that allows me to basically go anywhere in the world. And I've learned a lot about the privilege that we have and like others don't have, and like what life looks like. It's just that I could just I could write a book on it, honestly. But I'm just so humbled. I'm so grateful, and I'm just observing everything. And I'm like, yeah, like a little bubble, a routine, a and you know, I talked about on the last episode um that we did around having my routines, you know, my training, my walks, my eating, like having some things in place, right? But inevitably, when you are traveling, you're gonna want to try new things, like because you know, it's it's just not the same as being in one spot. So it's just such a balance of like not holding space for the fact that I'm craving that routine, but also embracing it, this for what it is, because I know this time of my life will never come back. Like I'm 30, I'm living, I'm like, I just there's nothing, I'm just totally free, and so many people all the time are like, oh my god, like I you know, they're just you're so lucky. And I'm like, yeah, like I'm it's great, but also like there's zero certainty, and that sense of um where am I gonna go? What does it look like? It's been terrifying and liberating and terrifying again. And I'm just like, I literally have no idea. So my sense of identity, let's just say I'm finding my true form even deeper, not attaching to a thing externally, the way it's forced me to like ground even deeper and regulate my own nervous system and my sense of identity to self. It's just like it's on steroids, I swear. Like it's it's just yeah.

Jack Graham 8:15

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, because a lot of people that do build their business so they don't have to be in one location will go to a place like Bali, but then they'll settle in Bali. And it's just like they're moving from one place to the next, and that is their next little bubble, and they've got certainty that they can wake up, go to the gym, eat the same food, see the same people. But like you just said, it's pretty obviously powerful to just be moving around and not attach yourself and not have that this is where I'm at, anything can come along, but you're still doing what you're doing and finding out who you are along the way. Uh but can we dive into that? Like how how do you do how do you do that?

Naila Ahmed 9:00

That's how do I do that?

Jack Graham 9:02

I if you care about your health, wellness, and longevity, obviously you do, you're here listening to this podcast, you're gonna eventually come across red light therapy. And there's a few things you need to know before you go and spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars on a red light therapy device. First, you need to do your own research, don't just rely on a podcaster getting your information. So you need to go out and do your own research. But when you're doing your research, don't just put in red light therapy and skincare or recovery, you've got to put in photobiomodulation and then skincare. Photobiomodulation and then Alzheimer's or gut health or brain health, eyes. There's a bunch of research out there that's very exciting, and it really does blow your mind on how light affects your body. So even if you're not interested in red light therapy or want to purchase one, it's probably worth you going out and doing this research just so you understand how light affects your body. We all know that blue light is bad for you later on in the evenings, and understanding why that is is going to help you make more informed decisions. Also, when you're looking for devices, make sure the red light therapy device goes through a full range of the infrared light. So a lot of the devices out there will just sit at a certain wavelength where the Lumaflex products go through a full range, and you can actually control it. So if you're trying to do recovery or skincare, both are different wavelengths, and you can control it through your phone. So if I'm trying to do muscle recovery, I just control it through my phone. It selects the right wavelength and the duration. I put it on the muscle that needs recovery and I'll go from there. If I want to do my face and get rid of those wrinkles, I can just do that. Different wavelengths affect the body in different ways. So when you are doing your research, I strongly recommend you check out the Lumiflex products. And when you're ready to purchase one, use the code TrueForm to get 10% off your first order. That is true form at checkout for 10% off. Let's get back to the episode.

Naila Ahmed 11:10

Like I said, like I I cannot explain to you the level of internal grounding and just this presence in myself, this just resting in my own energy. Like it is an internal validation to another level of just like knowing I'm gonna be okay. I got me. Like I've caught so many flights, so many airports, having conversations with so many random people, and like that suitcase of mine has seen a good life, it has seen so much, and I'm just like, Yeah, like this is what I have for my life. I'm learning how little you truly need to just like exist. And also I look forward to the day that one day I am settled in a home, and then you do accumulate things in your home, right? You don't necessarily need it, but if we're talking, for example, from a nervous system identification perspective, it's like our external environment is a sense of nervous system safety, right? So you've got your internal resources and then you've got your external resources. So external resources can be your home, your bed, your pillow, your friendships, your safe relationships, right? Your um gym you go to. Like for example, sometimes people go to a new gym and they feel like gym anxiety, right? When they go to the same one, they feel more comfortable. So all these things are nervous, we're experiencing from a nervous system perspective. Um, but for me, it's constantly changing. And what I've brought it down to is there is something that is pulling me to continue this. And I am cultivating that internal nervous system grounding, that sense of safety in myself, um, that self-reliance. And like I think like for what I'm here to teach, like my purpose in terms of you know, like my business and how I serve the world, it's like I've noticed the thing that you're here to teach, you have to go first. You always have to embody that thing, right? And that's what I'm doing. And it's this eternal, like coming home, coming home to yourself. It doesn't mean that you're hyper-independent. No, you still can lean on your external sources of you know, regulation, but I just feel like we've come to a point where we're just so obsessed with the external and validation and chasing that we've lost that sense of home in ourselves. So that's what's been cultivated, and I'm being forced to cultivate even deeper. So it sounds all beautiful, but I'll just be real, it's been really hard at times, and like there's been highs and lows, and but choosing to come out of it deeper in oneself, right? And like I will never be defeated by anything. You know, I will always grow and become better and see the better. And I think just making that choice is what allows you to be okay in the end.

Jack Graham 14:38

Yeah, it's like two things on that. One of the lessons from 300 episodes that I was recorded last week was like no one's here to save you. You've got to save yourself. A lot of the time we looked for external again, like you said, sometimes it's quite good to lean on that some sort of coach, person, friend, family member to help you, but at the end of the day, you're the only person that can help you, and it's it sort of feels like you've forced yourself into that situation. It's like, oh shit, I've only got me, I've got to figure this out, like both externally and internally. Like, was it it sounds like it wasn't always like that. When you first started 10 months ago, did you feel the same way that you did now?

Naila Ahmed 15:24

No. And I did, obviously, at a certain level, but when I kind of reflect, I can see the divine purpose of this. I'm I was I this it's like one of the biggest objectives of this whole journey is how much I am grounding deeper and deeper. And yeah, so it's not that I wasn't at the start, but it's that inevitably I am more now, and it's such a positive thing. And I wonder what the world would look like if we were all deeply rested and regulated and coming from that space of like observing the world rather than like chasing the world and like seeking it to fill an empty void inside, you know. Um and when we look at the entertainment industry, Hollywood, movies, music, it's everything since the day we came into this world has conditioned us to seek the external. It's always better there. So many industries monetize off creating the problem of making us think we're not enough, and then they sell you the solution, right? So um yeah, it's yeah.

Jack Graham 16:48

Uh second point I wanted to make on that as well. We're talking before we hit record about my previous guest, Ben Rainey, and he done the same thing. So he walked away from a multi-million dollar business. So he was making millions of dollars in a consultancy business and just decided that he just one day he's just like, this isn't for me. Walked away, got his family, and they just went skiing around the world for three years. And he he pretty much explained the same thing as you as as what you did. He said like we ran out of money, so I just had to figure things out and start working on it, and it created this place where he's like, Well, I have to look after my family, I have to do it, so it's like on him. But instead of going, Oh, you know, it's too hard, can't do it, somebody else do it. He's just like, I figured it out. I started doing webs like he was a designer, so he started making websites, started very small again, and just built it up and to where he is now. But he also explains that that time was a great way to spend time, connect with his family, connect with himself, connect with the world around him. But it gives you this sense of but you can work anything out. He said he's in the design industry, so it's very affected by AI. And he's like, I don't know what AI is going to be doing in another five, ten years. And it's design could just be like fully automated. But he's like, I'm okay with that because I know I can figure the next step out. He's not relying on that external, like I'm a designer, so I'm not relying on design. He is who he is. Again, I think I recommend everybody either read his book or go listen to that episode because he's a good example of somebody that has found their true form. Like he's not relying on external things just to make money or do the work he's doing. Whether AI takes design or not, he'll still be helping people find their creativity because it comes from him and he's taken the time to find that. Yeah.

Naila Ahmed 18:50

It's really interesting you say that because that was exactly what you've just said now is exactly the inspiration of why I wanted to jump on and do this episode with you. Because uh, as of the past few months, I've had an influx of men, um women as well, but more men coming through my business to engage in therapy, and um a lot of high achievers and high performers who have essentially unconsciously created their success from their trauma and from their not enoughness and like chasing the external and leaving their inner peace behind. And so I'm working with them to be able to hold both, to still maintain their um external achievements and their accolades, because a lot of the time the ego freaks out when we realize that, hey, there are some problems here, and it thinks that if you're gonna heal and go through a process of awakening yourself, then that's going to sacrifice the success that you've created. And it's not true, right? So then when um these clients come to work with me, um, it's incredible because we start to unravel their deeper layers and perhaps those specific patterns and programs that they've used to conveniently also create their success. You know, a lot of high achievers and high performers have that feeling of never being enough, never feeling enough. So they're chasing the money, the success, the titles, the accolades, and then they still feel so empty. Maybe they pick up some coping mechanisms on the side, you know, alcohol, gambling, porn addictions, drugs, even like it just varies, right? Like there's so much going on, and there's just like this person at the top that's holding it all together. And um how I relate to that is um I'm currently running my business, but I'm also choosing to live and experience peace and enjoyment in my life, and um it's something that my dad um and my ex-stepdad didn't know how to do. So my dad was a doctor of economics, he literally had his PhD, he's teaching at Deakin University, high achiever, high performer, so loved, but at home he struggled and he was emotionally numb. His ex-stepdad, world-renowned award-winning cardiologist, so smart, incredible behind the scenes, alcoholic, violent, abusive, completely like relationships is down the drain, right? And so there is this theme of like this high achieving and high performing. And when you talk about like your previous guest, right? It's like he woke up and then he chose to like make a change, and now he's doing exactly the thing that I'm talking about that I do in my business with my Clients, which is creating your success from your aligned state of being. But yeah, when I just been thinking about my dad, he passed away two years ago. I think about him all the time. And his passing and his whole life had such an impact on me. He's actually one of my biggest whys why I do the work I do. And as I'm choosing to live and acquire my own success, and I'm choosing to do things a different way and help others do things a different way. Yeah, it just really makes you think.

Jack Graham 22:36

Yeah, I appreciate you. I know you went into your dad's story in the first podcast we recorded. So I always appreciate you being honest and to talking about that. So because it's not easy. Uh by the time this episode comes out, uh episode would have dropped with a guest that's written a book on being a better father. And he noticed that yeah, men need to step up a little bit and you know, be more present and be with their families. And he he was saying that we just don't our generation didn't have role models in that again. I love my father, he did the best he can, I appreciate him so much. The disconnect was just that their generation was not taught or didn't didn't know how to express their emotions. So yes, they'd be successful, but they come home, they would be they wouldn't know how to express that they're unhappy and there's just things missing, and maybe they're not doing the things they want to. Like they just feel like they have to go and do these things to provide for the family, where like me as a kid, I would have just preferred him to do whatever he wanted to make him happy so he was enjoying his life. But there's no way to you know explain that, or they didn't know how to express that. So he's written this book on all about how to express that and start talking, especially to other men. Like you said, a lot of men are just struggling for that at the moment. So it seems to be a big topic that a lot of people are talking about, which is good because a lot of men are going through the same thing, but thinking they're alone and not talking about it and struggling, and you know, like you said, drugs, alcohol, porn, insert whatever they go into, like it could be fitness as well. People just turn 100% into fitness and forget about their life and the people around them. So it's not just the bad things, it could be a good thing in quotations as well that they're turning to. So yeah. Uh why do you think it is at the moment?

Naila Ahmed 24:41

Why I answer that? Can I just ask you something? How do you navigate this as a modern man who is awake and you're also working and all of the things? Sorry, a bit direct. But I'm just curious, like how how you're yeah.

Jack Graham 25:03

It's hard to answer because I've uh I'm currently dating somebody and she's pretty much uh asked me this as well. But because I've been I've been trying to figure the answer out. I don't really know because as you start working through this stuff, it just becomes normal and it's hard to explain what you normally do. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, I haven't got this figured out at all. Like I've still got definitely there's always things you can always be improving on. But I think it's just trying to sh show up on figuring out who you want to be, even if it's writing it down, like the values that you want to be, like whether it's a father person like for me, I just want to turn up and be the best person I can to help people live a better life. So I write down the values of that, and it's just trying to turn up and be that person as often as possible. It's not always going to work, but if you are doing it as often as you can around as many people as you can, it that's sort of what I try and do. Doesn't always work.

Naila Ahmed 26:13

So like I said, I I love that because it's so hard to be like, how do I be an awake, conscious man who isn't in survival mode, but I'm also making money. Like it's just right, like you you can't it's so difficult, but if you're just focusing on like how you want to show up and the values, I just love that. And yeah.

Jack Graham 26:32

It but again, like I said, it's easier said than done. I fall victim to oh, this like I'm not doing enough, I need to make more money, I need to get more downloads, I need to get more clients, and then like it's just a matter of just trying to quieten the noise, just getting off your phone a little bit more, disconnecting from the world and connecting with the people around you. Sometimes the people around you can be uh that issue as well. I was having this conversation the other day with somebody that's trying to transition into that knowing themselves and find their true form. And they're like, the friends I hang around with complain a lot. And I don't like doing that because then I end up complaining a lot. And I'm like, yeah, that's just part of this journey. You've got to find people that you know I'm not saying don't disconnect from them, like they're still your friends, just still stay connected, but it's almost you've got to like limit the time you're with them and be very vigilant when you are with them, that you don't fall into that trap of complaining about the world and the world's worst, and I can't do this, can't do that, because you can do all that, you know you can. So it's hard. You've got to just try and take the time to like I said, disconnect from social media is probably a big one. At the moment, I have been disconnecting in the morning and the evenings and making it really like being very strict on that, and it makes a huge difference. Um and then yeah, just being mindful of the people you're around, which is hard because sometimes it can be lonely as well when you're when you're trying to find who you are and you're figuring all this stuff out and you're trying to distance yourself from people that are bringing you back down. So for those that are going through it, you can you can work it out. It is hard. It's un it's it is lonely sometimes, but it's worth it.

Naila Ahmed 28:23

For sure, for sure. And then along the way, you do find your tribe and people that you can talk to. Even you and I are like we've checked in randomly talking about this stuff of finding our balance and being honest about what it's like. So yeah.

Jack Graham 28:37

Um you don't need a podcast to do that, though. A lot of people are like, oh yeah, but you've got a podcast and you connect to full there's people out there, you've just got to talk to people. And unfortunately, I I don't know if I recorded that bit at the start. Like we just don't talk or listen enough. Whenever we engage in a conversation, it's always like, you know, what can I get out of this conversation? It's not just sit down and listen to what they've got to say. So you can find those people. It's just yeah, talk. Say hi to somebody, how you doing, anything like that. Just start the conversation and just listen to what they've got to say and hopefully they'll do the same back.

Naila Ahmed 29:14

Absolutely. That's so true. So um to answer your question of why I specifically why I think people go through this high achieving and then numbing out on themselves. Yeah.

Jack Graham 29:33

Yep.

Naila Ahmed 29:34

Um, I would say it's the biggest thing, the biggest factor, and this is why I love my work so much. Like it's yes, it's therapy, but I my clients all know this, and I always say I'm the most non-clinical therapist you'll meet because it's like it's not dry the way I do my work, right? Like we integrate, like the nervous system, it's like your whole self. Like I'm just present with all of you. And that's the thing is that we are so, like I said, we're very much conditioned to just focus on what are we doing? Where are we working? What are we what are we doing with our life, right? Like, and it's yeah, we gotta do things, but it's also like, who are we being? Who have we been? What happened in our childhood that has made us the way that we are? Um we there are so many unconscious parts of us that are contributing towards who we are today. And so what happens is that when these unconscious parts of us are also responsible for the success that we create, because I always say this like your trauma can be a double-edged sword. It can be your greatest downfall, and it can also be the reason that you're so good at what you do. For example, I have a client right now, um, and he is like very, very controlling and micromanaging, and he does not know how to outsource and delegate tasks to his team. And he's like, he's really struggling, right? But it's when we peel the layers back, um, it's because as a child, there was a lot of lack of emotional safety in the household. So he became controlling of his surroundings and himself and very micromanagey, literally. So, like, it's the exact thing that has allowed him to be so focused and hyper-vigilant of his business has created massive amounts of success. But it's also the reason why he literally can't sleep at night and his like cortisol's through the roof. So we are currently going through childhood trauma healing, connecting with his inner child, nervous system regulation, clearing the stored cortisol out of his body. Like there's a range of stuff that we're doing right now, right? But I would say that is the biggest reason because at our core, like we weren't born thinking I need to create a bunch of success and then I'm gonna like allow myself to suffer and not rest and enjoy, right? It's literally the things along the way that made us like that. And it's such a double-edged sword because sometimes with these high performers and high achievers, they're so rewarded for that success, obviously. It's called success for a reason. But if you're suffering underneath it, then what's the point? And this is the thing I always come back to. You can have that external success and that internal peace, but it's just a matter of peeling back those layers. So yeah, and it's those that peeling back layers in a work that we're not taught, which is why I do what I do.

Jack Graham 32:46

I've asked you this question before. How do you feel success or find your goals? Like I think my question was something I can't really remember at the moment, but it was something along the lines of I'm just doing this, I feel like I'm winning, but I don't know when I'm successful or when I've reached a goal. Like I'm just aiming for success and just hoping I get there. So for you at the moment, like traveling on like through the last 10 months, all these different places, how do you set certain how do you set anything to know that you are succeeding and you are finding that success? Is it internal, external? Like do you write it down, or do you just know, like, oh, I helped that client, they're smashing it now, that's success? Like, what does it look like and how's it work?

Naila Ahmed 33:37

So for me, there's like a lot of ways that I measure my success, right? It's types of things my clients say after recession, the types of messages I get from them, how much I've helped them. There is what I see in my bank account, it's the lifestyle it's allowed me to live. It's all these external factors, right? But I noticed that this timeline I'm on of like traveling and working, because my lifestyle relies on my business. I it's so easy to just go into that mode of, oh my God, I need to build more, I need to grow more. And it's just such an amazing chapter of my life I'm in right now. Cause it's just like I'm experiencing so many incredible things. It would be stupidly stupid to not notice it and to just take the time to be grateful, right? So, like I've had this moment a few times. Like my clients have said recently, like, oh my God, I just prayed for someone like you and you're here. And oh my, and like my clients often say, every other therapist was crap, and then I found you, and you actually get me, you actually care. And I hear that, and I started to hear it so often, which I'm so, again, I'm so grateful for that I just stopped noticing it. And so it's literally just very nicely giving myself a slap in the face. It's like, look, look at what you look at what you're creating, like, look at what you've done. And it's so cliche, but it can be as simple as just being so present, like celebrating the small wins and just being in it. When I think from like a work perspective, that's the mentality. And then I think of the fact that I'm literally making money, I'm spending money, I'm spending a lot of money, I'm traveling and I'm making a lot of money and I'm thing. And so, like, there's had there has to be a lack of attachment to money as well, and just realizing money makes the world go round, but it's meant to be circulated, right? Like that's the point of it. Yes, we save, yes, we're mindful and we're conscious, and we're all these things, but again, what's the point if we're just like holding on to it and we're stressed and we don't know how to live, right? So I don't know if that answers the question.

Jack Graham 36:03

It's like does. I'll move that into celebrating the wins. I I think that was the second part of my question when I like reached out a couple of months ago. How do you celebrate your wins? I find that just me when I get in the wrong, wrong right mindset, again, sometimes it's good to have that drive, but just working is winning sort of thing. Like success is winning.

Naila Ahmed 36:31

Yes.

Jack Graham 36:32

And I don't really celebrate the wins. Like you said, you get all these messages from clients or you hit a m like 300 episodes. It's not like I take time and go and celebrate 300 episodes. So when you say celebrate the wins, what should we be thinking about when we okay we've first how do we acknowledge that that's a win, and then how do we celebrate it?

Naila Ahmed 36:59

Well I again I think of it as like internal and external. So like an internal moment you can have is literally creating a ritual. Like we need to set these times in where we are reflecting and we're present. So like at the end of every day, literally before I'm going to bed, I'm just lying there and I think about my day. And then the conversations with clients, they pop up, right? So like you see clients too, and you're just helping so many people, you can just become numb to it. But literally, it's a non-negotiable to just sit there and just reflect and be present, like that must happen. Otherwise, the day goes and then you forget, and then you're just doing it. And the next minute, the exact life of helping people that you always wanted, you're becoming robotic to it, and you're just like going through the rounds, right? So that literally as a ritual, because and I know it sounds like so simple, but like that really is as simple as it is, and just deeply feeling that and just being like, okay, I'm doing this. Thank you. Wow. I'm so grateful. I can be of service in that way. I can help someone. Wow. Like really just having that internal self-talk. Um again, I know it sounds very like oversimplified or cliche, but it's like we don't realize, like we our head hits that pillow at night. We are with ourselves all the time. Like there is like an inner self, and that can either be a beautiful place to be or a really hard, mean place to be, right? It's like a garden. We need to water it and we need to consciously plant beautiful, loving self-talk. So, like from an internal perspective, that's what I'll do. And then from like an external perspective, like well, literally just again, as simple as you go out somewhere, either you're seeing a beautiful sunset or you're having a nice dinner, and just like again having a bit of a reflection, like, okay, like I'm here, I'm alive, like everything I'm doing has allowed has led me in a towards this moment and allowed me to do this. And I'm so grateful and like okay, I have money that allows me to do this. I have a car that brought me here. It's just like it's so small, but when you like kind of look at the details, it allows you to zoom out and look at everything in your life. Like the other day, um, when I was like on the plane from LA to New York, my mind was like, oh, another flight. And it's like, and I was like, damn, another flight, like wow, how cool, you know, like I was tired. Okay, I'm tired, but it's like, okay, let's just like be here. This is awesome. And are there a lot of things that make me tired about traveling? Absolutely. And then in terms of like chasing the next goal, you think of like, oh, like, you know, make it better and thing. And it's like, okay, but we're supposed to be exactly where we are right now. How amazing to know that there is always something to learn, there's always something to appreciate. Doesn't matter where we're at, because as you're chasing goals and you're success-minded, the goalpost always moves, right? So it's as simple as that. It's just being like, okay, I'm here. I'm meant to be here. What is present for me here? What is opening up for me? I get to feel so good right now. So let me just take a breath and look and breathe and feel like it's really is as simple as that. And next and you're just living.

Jack Graham 41:12

Uh as we discussed with Danny on our last podcast, the simple things work. You just got to focus on the basics and just taking a second and breathing and just thinking is very basic, but it's very effective. And as I was saying, like that's a big part of what I've been doing, like just disconnecting from everything because like you like you're saying, you got on the flight and it's like, oh, another flight. But it's a good thing, and we all go through that. There's always things we're like, oh this again, but they're all always good things. Like you get to do that, like whatever it is, you're living it, and you get to live that, whether it's good or bad, or just whatever it is, something you you know, just you're doing every day, you get to live that, which is awesome. And as you said at the start of the podcast, we're always influenced by advertisements telling you that you're not good enough and you need this, whatever it is. And it's almost like you just get bombarded with all these things. Uh I'm not hydrated enough, I don't have enough protein, I'm not fit enough, I don't look good enough, whatever it is. I just all these external things that you're not good enough. So it's very hard when you're just bombarded with all that information all the time, especially if you wake up and jump straight on there, and it's like you see an ad that, oh, you know, I'm even if it's something simple, just like I'm my skin's not moist enough or whatever it is. It's like, oh, okay, that's I that's another thing I need. That's you it just brings you down a little bit by little bit. So just disconnecting from that at the start, and at the end of the day, like you just said, I think just simple, easy, basic, but it works so well. Like you just get to sit with your own thoughts and you can just sit there, take a breath, and look around and go, oh yeah, this is pretty good. Like I get this.

Naila Ahmed 42:58

Totally. And as I took that breath, I just remembered at the end of our last podcast. That's what you said. You're like, just free. You actually said that. And um, what is that you said just then? It like sparked something in my mind about um, yeah, like um what a lot of these high performers and high achievers that I've worked with, it's it's always about like when they're chasing a success, it's always about optimizing. Yeah, optimizing like be disciplined and just like go. And it's like, shut up. I just want to like breathe, like, okay. And you know, sometimes, and and the reason why I reference my dad is because like I feel like like I've I've said this to you before so many times. Like, I feel like half of me is somewhere else. Like I've tasted death in a in a non morbid way. Like it's it's a it's an it's awakening because it's like yin and yang, like sunlight and daylight, life and death, it actually comes hand in hand. And it's such a beautiful reminder because it's It's not to say, oh, just live and spend all your money and don't have any nothing and just, you know, like because you might die tomorrow. It's not that. But it kind of also is. Because it's like when we're so stressed about the next goal and like chasing and becoming and like climbing up the ladder and all these things and like optimize and have that discipline and build, build, build. You just, there's like this level of like inability to smell the roses that just can't happen. And so what I say and what I am always guiding my clients towards now is like you actually can. You just have to have these mechanisms in place where you actually do that, right? But it's exactly that. It's always about optimizing. And again, what I was saying at the beginning is look externally. Go here, go there, do this, do that, chase this, feel like you're not enough so that you just keep going. But actually, like it's all it's all in here. Like it really is like your true form.

Jack Graham 45:06

I hate to optimize, even like I know sort of I dabble in the biohacking using quotation marks there that for people that aren't watching. Like optimizing, biohacking, all this, just getting that little bit out of extra and making it as simple as possible so you've got more time to then do and it's just like, what are you optimizing for? Like you optimise, get a little bit more time and then fill it with more junk, and then you optimise that and then you get a little bit more time and you fill it with like it's just like I I just don't get it. Like sometimes some influencers and business people that optimise everything, get people to cook for you. Yeah, it'll cost you a little bit more, but then you'll have this extra time to then do more work. I'm like, but I enjoy cooking. Why why can't I do cook like that's it's something I enjoy doing? Why can't I do it? Like Yeah, you just lose all the things that you could enjoy doing. Yeah, they're just simple little things, but that also gives you time to just breathe and think. And it's like, what what are you optimizing for? More money, more success? Like you're just gonna get there and just keep, like you said, just keep keep chasing. So yeah, it's uh I hate that word optimizing.

Naila Ahmed 46:20

So I have um I have a client and um they own like five hotels. The man does not sleep. The man does not sleep, and literally, and doing again, doing so well financially, and like once and and like his main thing always is I don't have time. I don't have time, but looking to acquire another two hotels. And so there's some conversations taking place, and again, very much about that optimization of like, you know, finding the time and filling it and like doing this, and also dabbling he dabbles dabbles in some biohacking stuff as well. And so even having that wellness mindset, that success. But I always find the presence and the therapeutic perspective is the thing, it's is the gap that's always missing, which is why I just it's very important work and it it the mindset behind not being so optimizing comes down to just looking around you. Again, it's that sounds so simple and like oversimplified, but it's it's it's just too much information overload these days.

Jack Graham 47:39

Yeah, but it like I said, it is the basics. I one coach, PT, that I had on the podcast asked him the same question about you know, what should everybody do? And he's just learn how to cook. You could do all the biohacking you want and like all the therapies, uh, IV drips, whatever you want to do. But if you're not sleeping, eating properly, and just doing a little bit of exercise, all the other things are just a waste of time and money. And they people think they're optimizing, but just learning how to cook and make sure you're getting like nutrients for your body, sleeping and exercising is just the basics, simple, but they're boring, but they work.

Naila Ahmed 48:21

Learning how to make clean food taste good is literally gold. Like, and that doesn't just have to apply if you're like chucking yourself into a calorie deficit, if you're like you want to grow a bunch of muscle, like we need to eat protein for life. We need to be conscious of what we're putting into our vessel for life. Like it's just so basic and it's so not sexy, but it's the thing, like it's yeah, it's like the knowledge I have from training and nutrition and like teaching it. Like, obviously, like I said, I'm traveling and I'm away right now, but like um the days, there's so many days where I'm like, no, we're going to eat chicken breast. I need, I literally need it. I need my bismati rice and like my spinach, and that's all I want to have. But it's like just that knowledge, having that to fall back on. It's yeah. So important.

Jack Graham 49:19

So, how are you organizing your days at the moment?

Naila Ahmed 49:24

Um, it's so first it's based around my work and my calls. And then I essentially I like reverse engineer. I'm like, cool, that comes first. And then we throw in all the other work I needed to do for my business, and then we factor in movement, um a whole a lot of walking. So I opt to walk more than I take transportation in any way. Um, and exploring wherever I am. Obviously, I'm in some really cool locations. Um, but yeah, you can't feel sane if you don't have your basics grounded in place. Doesn't matter how much I'm like traveling and like doing is people like, oh, how's your trip? I'm like, this isn't a trip. This is not a trip. I'm working like every day I work. Like I work on a Saturday night, on a Sunday, depending on like the time zone. I'm working with clients around the world. Like it's and not in like a workaholic way. Again, I'm giving myself that internal peace as well and like just grounding, but it's yeah, it's like those are the foundations, like following that. Cool, like my work, my content creation, whatever else, building in the back end, um movement training and all that. Yeah, it comes first. So it kind of varies day to day.

Jack Graham 50:52

Obviously, things would get overwhelming from time to time. Like you said, traveling, like living out a suitcase. What do you do in those overwhelming times?

Naila Ahmed 51:04

I lie down. I drink water and I lie down and I breathe. And sometimes I cry. And I'm like, this is a lot. And I'm like, what am I doing? And then the feeling goes away. I just give myself a space to feel and I'm real, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's hard sometimes. It's like the hardest thing is the uncertainty of like literally having no idea, and like how healing that is as well, because it's I've totally forfeited any type of control, any type of you know, anything. And I'm also aware, hey, this is a little bit unstable, you know what I mean? It's a little bit like edgy to be this way. And I'm also like, and it's not gonna be like this forever. And something so deep inside my soul knows I'm supposed to be doing exactly this right now, and again, bringing it back to the level of internal grounding, internal regulation, and love for myself. Like I am we, I'm going to so many places, different countries, different states. Um, in like Georgia, it was cold. In Turkey, it was freezing. And now in LA, it was like 25 to 30 degrees. In New York, it's like 30 to 35 degrees. It's gonna be like 40 in a couple days, and it's humid. And I'm like, okay, I can feel my body, my senses, me experiencing all this stuff. Hey, I got me. Hey, I look in the mirror every day. That's Nyla. Like, I love you. You're amazing, like you're doing this, and it's just it's so beautiful. So, yeah, just writing the ways for emotions.

Jack Graham 53:03

When you sit down, sorry, when you lay down, you you take some water, lay down, start to breathe, maybe cry a little bit. But what what's that internal dialogue? So how do you I guess my point is sometimes you get caught up on a thought and it's like you just can't get rid of that thought. Like what's your internal dialogue to bring you back to that positive mindset?

Naila Ahmed 53:27

It's actually to not try to bring myself back to the positive mindset. It it is knowing I got me. I am the master of myself, of my thoughts. I'm I'm again, it's gonna sound really like cliche, but it's because it's like a it's like a self-love dialogue. I'm the queen of me. Like I'm I am me. You are the king of you, Jack. Like you, you're a you're a boss, right? And it's like I'm the queen of me. I'm feeling something right now. Um sometimes I ball my eyes out. Like, what am I? Sometimes it's like, it's literally like, Naila, what are you doing with your life? You're a nobody, where are you going? Like all this stuff. And then I'm like, and I just allow that and I'm crying, and then I'm like, and yeah, and I chose this. And this is exactly the point of it all to have no plan, to have zero attachment to the external. You know, I've like caught up with family along the way and feeling that love and like journeying and then like going, and it's so transient. And the truth is life is transient, but we try to tell ourselves that it's not, and then we cling and we attach and we try to then control, and then we get caught up and confused between codependency, independency, hyper-independency, and then just learning how to be interdependent with others, right? But the biggest thing is to not try to rush my experience and having the full trust that I'm not gonna stay there. And the deeper I can surrender to the momentary pain, the uncertainty, the fear, the more I allow myself to experience it. And then I develop a deeper emotional intimacy with myself because of that. I take deep breaths, I breathe through it, I literally hold myself like this-like one hand on my heart, one hand on my stomach, and I'm breathing, and my eyes are shut or open, and then I just feel a bit crap, and then it's gone. And then I don't, and I'll just do something like normal, and then next minute I'm just seeing like a beautiful view, and I've gone somewhere, and something amazing has happened, and I'm like, life is amazing, and it's just like that, it's just a flow. So, yeah.

Jack Graham 55:53

Yeah. The biggest takeaway there for me was feel it. Uh a lot of the times it's like, oh, bad feelings coming, or I'm feeling upset, just push it away with either you know, another feeling or disconnecting with social media, or you know, go eating food that you shouldn't, whatever sort of again, vice, like but just feeling those feelings, I think, is a big thing that we yeah, we never do. Well I'm I'm doing more of. I'm definitely doing more of. Is there anything else with your clients that like obviously we've talked about just stopping breathing, just being present, but is there anything else that you know that you get your clients to do that everybody else should know about that is worth doing in their day-to-day life? A bunch of my clients are now using these amazing little red light therapy devices from the legends at LumaFlex, and it's awesome to see the effects with my own eyes. I've been telling everybody how these things just o improve your overall health and wellness, but your recovery as well. I've even had one client use it as a part of her recovery protocol after getting PRP in her elbow, and a physio cannot believe how fast the pain went away, and she can start doing the exercises she need to to strengthen up that elbow. Other clients just love it after a hard session, like we do a big leg session, they use it on their leg a couple of rounds, and they know the next day that they can still get up out of the chair, which is we we all know that feeling, so it's good to have that the next day. But you can use literally because of the design. Like I had the uh the owner, the founder, the CEO, John on the podcast talking about this, but he didn't talk about the design. The design is absolutely amazing. Like you know he's put a lot of effort into it because you can literally put this on any body part. You see these little slithers, you get straps and you can put it on your shoulder, arm, back, head, sides, anywhere on your legs, anywhere you want, it can go. So you know you're gonna get the benefits and it's gonna help that body part recover. So if you want to check them out and learn a little bit more about red light therapy device, check out the link in descriptions or scan this QR code. When you're ready to get your own one, make sure you use the code TrueForm at checkout to get 10% off your Lumiflex products.

Naila Ahmed 58:16

Getting off your phone. It's actually again, and I know I said this in like our first episode as well, but it's just such a big one because it's just increasing this addiction to like our phone. It's it's this thing that fits perfectly in the palm of your hand. We dissociate through it, we seek dopamine hits through it, and we we need boredom. We need boredom, we need nothingness to just for our brain to like regulate, to just think something different, think of some inspiration. And so one of the biggest things, obviously, I like I said, I work primarily with very high performers, high achievers. And so their mentality is always around growing and they've got this greater vision and moving towards it, right? Growth-centered. And the only way you can feel into that future reality is if you are allowing yourself the space to unplug from what currently is as well. It's not um like disassociating in a bad way, it's just giving yourself that freedom. And so what this phone does is you're constantly looking, you're searching for like the notifications and like you're refreshing your feed and you're going on whatever it is, right? It's just keeping you locked into like this state of being. And then the algorithm for, for example, if you're on social media, it's it's feeding you predictability, right? But the way to like set yourself free and to just allow yourself to think in a different way and to not even growth-centered, just what just your mind might spark something of inspiration, random thought that you didn't even think you were gonna think about. But if you just give yourself that space, like designated, like so all my clients, I tell them 10 minutes a day, you set an alarm, put the phone away, go into nature, stare at a wall, I don't care what it is, just don't, because we're chronically addicted and we don't realize it.

Jack Graham 1:00:30

So yeah, 100% agree. And going back to your question, you asked, like, what do I do? And again, once you start doing these things, they're so simple you don't realize you're doing them. But that is one of the biggest things, just being bored. Like a lot of the time, I don't have anything coming in through my ears. Like, if I'm walking to work, I'm just walking to work, I'm not listening to anything, not watching anything. For even on public transport or like sitting in the sauna in the gym now, I try not to have music in. Sometimes I do, but just finding times where you're just not having so much input, it makes a big difference. So people will go, well, I I'll get off social media, but then I'll listen to a podcast, or I'll listen to music, which is better, but at the same time, it's still input and you're still not with your own thoughts. So that and that's one big thing I think I was doing as well. I'm like, Oh, I'm off social media, but I was still listening to podcasts, so sort of like you're still having input and you still don't have that time for your brain to start thinking or just being bored and just thoughts just popping into your head that you can just sort of yeah, think about and just get rid of, and or a lot of the time, like good ideas come along and then you can roll with a little bit better.

Naila Ahmed 1:01:49

Totally. Exactly. It's that constant input and that overstimulation, yeah.

Jack Graham 1:01:56

Well, anything else that you sort of wanted to wrap up with and let everybody know about?

Naila Ahmed 1:02:03

I just want to say that just let yourself breathe, let yourself live. Like there's always going to be, and like I'm literally speaking from the heart right now. Like, this is like the recurring realization I keep having as someone who is literally living out of my suitcase, experiencing the most incredible things, and also like sitting with myself, like totally refusing to not be conscious to my experience. Just there is a life for you to live and don't let it just be so consumed with the thing you need to achieve, and like, yes, we need to achieve in order to allow ourselves to live and like it comes hand in hand, but the best thing we can do is afford ourselves a beautiful relationship to our work, to our finances, and therefore the rest of our life. Because if we're not, we're constantly berating ourselves to just go make that money, hit that amount, and blah blah like you just you're hurting yourself. So just live, just be present to your experience and yeah, be present. Yeah. So so oversimplified. I feel like a lot of the things I shared in this podcast was just like not some beautiful quote that you could find in a book, but it's just it's really the I feel like traveling like this, it's it's just bringing me down to the essence of real life and the raw human experience. And at its core, it is so simple. My God.

Jack Graham 1:03:46

Again, reflecting over 300 episodes and all the like even all the coaches I've worked with and been around, whatever they're doing, like PT, health, mindset, whatever it is, all the good coaches talk about simple stuff, and they don't have these amazing quotes that inspire people, but they're the ones doing the actual work helping people. So yeah, it's it's hard, but I know like you're such a great coach, and I appreciate you coming on and sharing all your wisdom and all the chats we have. So I and I think people that are actually here still at the end will know that and get that as well. So you don't need those fancy quotes, you just need to talk about the basics, and I'm I'm inspired, so appreciate you coming on.

Naila Ahmed 1:04:28

I appreciate you so much, and thank you for holding space for all of it. Um, congratulations on your 300 episodes. You're a gun. Like you've been you've been doing this, and it's just amazing, and not everyone can. And um yeah, like we're talking about, like the way this world is, and you know, everyone just wants everything fast, and like I'm talking about getting off your phone and the dopamine hits, like it's so healing to just be in a space where you're taking the time to engage with people and you're giving the world something so beautiful through your podcast. So you're incredible and you should you should remember that every day.

Jack Graham 1:05:09

Nahla, appreciate it. Thank you.

Naila Ahmed 1:05:11

Thank you.

Jack Graham 1:05:14

Amazing.